Monday, September 1, 2008

An old blog, Revisited

ust a Random Blog

What Ive been doing the last 2 years

Its been a long time since I wrote a blog but I had to think about something to write about. There were a bunch of different things, so I just figured Id write about all of them. So hold on with me people, its about to get really random.

For last year or so I have really been going through this change of sorts. Well, lets call it maturing. I got a little easier going and I allowed a lot of things to just roll off me. Took it in stride, you know. There were a lot things that changed. My circle and I grew apart. Now, this wasnt really a bad thing and there was no bad blood, but people grow up and grow apart. We just do different shit, feel me. I changed. I got to a point where I wanted my clothes to fit. Lol. But, were all still cool, but I tend to roll alone. No crew, no girl, just me. I go to things by myself. The movies, poetry spots, concerts, etc. And to be perfectly honest, I like things more that way. You gotta get to a point where you are comfortable with yourself and Ive always been like that. Gimme my ipod and Im rolling.

During this past year, I retired the clubs, mainly because I just really dont like them. Except for a very few random times, in even more random locales (Tahoe, Sac, etc.), I havent gone out to hardly any clubs. Now, I dont wanna sound like Im knockin clubs or club people, Im just saying that it aint for me. I dont like spending $20 to not have fun and babysit grown ass niggas, it just aint my thing. But, what I did do was get my work grind going. I became a working beast and my hard work paid off. While cats I was working late. I was putting that honorary masters equivalent to work! I taught myself most of the ins and outs of my organization and gained an understanding about childhood behaviors that surpasses most of my colleagues. Who said young people were lazy? I took that past year and delved back into reading. Cranking out at least 3 books a month (I know 3 aint a lot but I work full time dammit). Getting my learning tolerance back up to prepare me for the next phase in my life. I was on the grind, not the grind that rappers rap about but the life grind, the better-myself grind, the I-dont-wanna-blame-others-for-me-not-being-successful grind. And I decided to go and get a masters to pair with my MSW exception (let me show you how to hustle).

During the last 2 years, it was really important to me not to have a girlfriend or any serious distractions. I mean I dated but nothing too serious. I had to place myself in a position where I didnt have to worry about someone else. I needed the space where I could focus on me, the kids that I serve, and investing in my future. I wanted to hustle harder than anybody else and I think that the people closest to me saw that. I think that I did. I know Jeff did (who, by the way, did his own bit of hustling- that kids gonna own PG&E) and Will did (still stuck in Iraq, but when youre out there you aint spending, youre stackin). We had to make real-life moves and Im sorry but I dont think that you could do that if youre always worried about wheres the party at. Maybe some can, Im not that good. So now, my life is pretty simple yet hectic. I now pretty much run a program at work that I am very passionate about. That program is growing more and more by the day. I am about to start the MPA program at SF state. My bookclub is doing well; weve all gotten pretty close. The spoken word spot that has taken me in with open arms even though I have never (and dont plan on) did poetry at. My family and I are good.

The funniest shit Ive ever witnessed though is when I hear people complain. They complain about the man, not getting a fair shake, and yadda, yadda, blah. And I actually agree with some of the claims they make. Remember, I have experienced a lot of discrimination in my short 23 years. So you hear people complaining and you try to help. But when they see that work has to be put in they cower. They take the easy way out and go back to complaining and then get mad at me, say I changed because I cant go out to a whack-ass club with you in the middle of the week BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB THAT I NEED TO WAKE UP AND GO TO IN THE MORNING!! Sorry, I got a little excited there. Its just that those things really bother me.

In the last few years of my life there have been a lot of people come in and leave out. My attitude and outlook on life just bothers some people or maybe its too intense and they cant handle it. Now, dont get me wrong, I know Im an asshole, but I worked really hard to become one (you can quote that). I just dont think that someone will outwork me. And if they do, then Ill go back and work harder. I dont really allow too many people to be that close to me. I believe that having too many weights around you hold you down. Misery loves company and usually if someone is lazy, they want you to be lazy with them so that you all can be lazy together and complain about being broke and then you can become a rapper or something (**Sidebar: wait, let me clear my throat, ok Im ready.. EVERYBODY CANT FUCKING RAP, MEANING EVERYBODY CANT BE A FUCKING RAPPER. Some people are good but most of you cats aint. Im sorry, now back to my story). It takes me a while to let people in and everybody dont make it. I know Im not some special ass person but Im picky about who gets close to me. You are represented by what your friends do and I am very aware of that.

Well, thats pretty much the end of my rant for now. If you wanna know more or if there is something specific that yall want me to write about then let me know. Basically, Ill tell you my business if you ask...
Cole Out.

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